I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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