Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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