were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
