I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
