There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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