Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
