Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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