I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mom said you looked used
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
