You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
