it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
