I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
