Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
