why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
