Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
