I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
