new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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