Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
