Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
