btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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