I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
