RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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