JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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