yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
