i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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