I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
