Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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