It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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