So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
