I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
