i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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