I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
