Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
