Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
