how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
