Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
