you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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