You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
