Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
