Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
