At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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