If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
