i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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