Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
