lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
