So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
