So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
