Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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