In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
