I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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