So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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