I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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