It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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