College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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