dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
