We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're too hungover to prance.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
