two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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