Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
