you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
