Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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