Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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