Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
