the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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